California’s Nice, But…

If you say the title of this post out loud and remove the comma, it takes on a whole new meaning, amiright?  As to what the geographic ‘butt’ of California would be: perhaps the curve between San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara? Los Angeles is clearly the metaphorical one.

Anyways, the purpose of this post has nothing to do with bad puns, though I can’t promise there won’t be a few more mixed in.  No, this post stems from a conversation I had last night with some awesome fellow writers.  Some of us, that is, the two of us not from California, bemoan the lack of seasons in our little corner of 70’s and sunny 300+ days of the year.

For my part, I miss the fresh snowfall dancing down from the sky while I walk the streets of Chicago, not worrying about driving my car through the slippery slush.  Yes, I miss the romantic scene of sitting in a bar, stout in hand, with a fire crackling inside and the silent snow following outside.

I miss regular rain: the smell, the feel, the water that saves me fifty dollars on my bill since I don’t have to irrigate the stupid lawn every other day to make up for the months without measurable precipitation and the raging winds that dry my yard into a shriveled brown mess.

I love warm weather. I also love candy.  But if I eat candy every day, my heart will clog like the LA streets between the hours of 5am and 10pm. My body will balloon and, perhaps, I will drift away from eating the sweet deliciousness altogether (either because of death or diabetes or oversaturated taste buds).

Such is the case of sunny So Cal.  We become numb to the sun itself. We soak it in to our heart’s content, fattening ourselves with surf and sand and Disneyland. And the moment the temperature deviates, we slide into crippling withdrawal.  I mean, puffy winter jackets when it’s 60 degrees? C’mon, now.

My wife and I are here for at least four years.  We’ll soak up the vitamin D and enjoy swimming outside in January.  But it doesn’t mean we’ll love it entirely.

No.  We are seasons people. We need the cold with the warm. The barrenness to the lush green.  Then precipitation to the cloudless skies.

We need the whole spectrum of weather conditions…except sleet, freezing rain, tornados, polar vortexes, blizzards, humidity, flooding, and hail.

Certainly, this isn’t too much to ask.